File for Unemployment: Porn Detection Stick Finds Your Computer’s Porn Pics

Posted March 3rd, 2010 at 1:19 am

Nosy anti-porn partners sometimes get upset when their hubby, wifey (or employee!) is spending all his or her time online looking at porn. We can’t understand it, but there certainly is a rather large market for people wanting to find out what’s really going on on their computer. Well that’s where this little bundle of joy comes in. The Porn Detection Stick, $98.95, plugs into your computer’s USB port and will search out any images on your computer that could be pornographic. How? The Porn Detection Stick uses algorithms to analyze flesh tones, shapes, curvatures, face detection, and body part separation, to spit back all the images that may indeed be porn. The thing can scan over 70,000 images in an hour and a half with only a .0006% false positive result. Wow, I foresee the Porn Stick making it really hard for those of us who like to look at porn while at work.

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orphic1
March 3, 2010 at 3:32 pm
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@bobojuice: Or look for the folder labeled "Not Porn".

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
EchoSix
March 3, 2010 at 3:32 pm
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Well gentlemen, the porn detection arms race begins. Somebody needs to develop a program that detects such devices and fries them on the spot.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
ament001
March 3, 2010 at 3:33 pm
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@orphic1: One in the same.

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waltcoleman
March 3, 2010 at 3:34 pm
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But what good is it unless it can inventory and categorize my porn?

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Jesse Astle
March 3, 2010 at 3:38 pm
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@DustyButt: Only?

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coolaaron88
March 3, 2010 at 3:41 pm
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"Sweet now time to organize my Briana Banks, Jenna Haze, Kelly Wells…wtf…How did Dave does David
get on my hard drive? Jerry!!"

"Hello Newman!" *smirks*

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ka1axy
March 3, 2010 at 3:42 pm
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Does it light up blue for "porn found"
and green for "nice boy"?

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ka1axy
March 3, 2010 at 3:45 pm
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"stuffed with Windows-compatible image detection software"

Good thing my filesystem is ext3.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Jesse Astle
March 3, 2010 at 3:46 pm
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It would be interesting if you could modify it to look for specific types of pron… porn, like kiddy porn. I could see that being a useful tool for police.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
HallaEks
March 3, 2010 at 3:48 pm
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So the question is then, how many porn images does it take before this thing has a buffer failure and crashes?

Also, who cares unless it manages them?

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Ozymandias
March 3, 2010 at 4:07 pm
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In fact, the Porn Detection Stick seems designed for a whole other era of pornographic distribution, one when the discerning man might have scanned the latest Playboy to his 386 for posterity before pulling down his Zubaz pants to masturbate to it.

Oh My god i am laughing so hard.
GO ZUBAZ!

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
RedmondGalokie
March 3, 2010 at 4:13 pm
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So no support for linux. I’m safe, even if they did have ext4 support i would start using a live-cd.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
jagidrok
March 3, 2010 at 4:39 pm
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@ding-dang: Well played

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flux
March 3, 2010 at 4:57 pm
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Ok.. i guess i’ll probably be the only Giz reader to comment in favor of this nifty device.

I think it’s a very helpful tool. Not just for network admins checking employee computers but also for the wives of cheating husbands (and yes, you’re cheating on your wife if you look at porn).

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
University of Pi
March 3, 2010 at 5:30 pm
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@flux: you lie
images of woman in the nude are a beautiful thing just ask french artists

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
NerzzleintheVerzzle
March 3, 2010 at 5:36 pm
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This should include 32gb of storage and automatic mirroring technology…if not, it’s completely worthless.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
RedwoodFlyer
March 3, 2010 at 6:28 pm
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@TJ: What’s the dust remover for?

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RedwoodFlyer
March 3, 2010 at 6:32 pm
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@flux: To be fair, he wouldn’t need to "cheat" on you if you spent more time giving him "attention," and less time snooping through his stuff.

If you didn’t know the porn was there, how would you get hurt? Using this makes me think you just need reasons to be mad at your husband. (I hope he has a pre-nup)

By your logic, merely thinking about a song you heard once would = piracy.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Jakooboo, Taser Bait
March 3, 2010 at 6:45 pm
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@gerbintosh: inorite?

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Jakooboo, Taser Bait
March 3, 2010 at 6:46 pm
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@SigmundTheSeaMonster: Yay furries!

…

I mean, what?

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Jakooboo, Taser Bait
March 3, 2010 at 6:53 pm
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@BazookaJoe: Yes. Smart.

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Paul Beardfacé
March 3, 2010 at 7:42 pm
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@RedwoodFlyer: flux might not be the wife of a ‘cheating’ husband, flux may be a whiped husband. But your point still stands :-)

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Duckspwn_Reborn
March 3, 2010 at 7:46 pm
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@flux: Sure, I bet everyone agrees with you on that one.

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tvoice1
March 3, 2010 at 8:45 pm
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@Redrum4breakfast: ohhh I get it! i’m slow

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
BluegrassGeek
March 3, 2010 at 9:19 pm
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@flux: If you consider looking at porn to be "cheating," you’ve got one hell of a complex going on.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Deekle
March 3, 2010 at 9:44 pm
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Could this be used for the wrong way. Say (like the geek-squad guy) that someone repairing a computer uses this to find naked pictures of its user. This feels like a great invasion of privacy.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
clarkpike
March 3, 2010 at 9:51 pm
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File for Unemployment: Porn Detection Stick Finds Your Computer’s Porn Pics http://ff.im/-gU8CV

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ArcAttack
March 3, 2010 at 10:04 pm
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i stuck one of those in my laptop and it blew up.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Poisonthescene
March 3, 2010 at 10:27 pm
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@flux: Because no one’s ever heard of women enjoying porn. Ever.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Effin' Eh
March 4, 2010 at 12:00 am
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@flux: [www.metro.co.uk]

You do realize that not every woman is the same, right? What gets your wife rowdy might make another drier than the Mojave.

You have to stop being so sexist man. I can’t wait to see you flip shit when you find out women can drive.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Deekle
March 4, 2010 at 12:00 am
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@pcypert: Ahh shit.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Redrum4breakfast
March 4, 2010 at 2:30 am
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@tvoice1: I’ve been using calculators and liking boobies a loooooong time.

Advantage: Me.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Effin' Eh
March 4, 2010 at 3:18 am
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@NerzzleintheVerzzle: 32GB? Hah! It’ll need at least 3… hundred….

I’m going to go delete some shit.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Effin' Eh
March 4, 2010 at 3:28 am
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@flux: I never understood the phrase cheating. Having an affair never made things easier like proper cheating does.

Viagra? Cheating, don’t even have to try to get an erection after 50.

Porn playing quietly while your significant other sleeps to get them in the mood overnight? Cheating.

Chloroform? God mode/Photocopy of the answer sheet.

Porn itself? Not cheating. It’s just there so you don’t feel awkward while sitting on a chair butt naked by your lonesome, stroking away. It’s more like a poorly written educational series filled with bad ideas.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
pcypert
March 4, 2010 at 5:38 am
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@Deekle: that and christian wives are going to be 98% of the initial buyer base

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
SuperJew
March 4, 2010 at 8:26 am
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@Effin’ Eh: Worlds best pickup line:
"Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?"

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
flux
March 4, 2010 at 11:09 am
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@RedwoodFlyer: I’m the husband. Why would you assume that a man couldn’t have my opinion? That’s what’s wrong. Porn has always been seen as macho and if you don’t like it you’re gay or weird. Well, i’m neither and i know the true damage it does to relationships.

The fact that you don’t recognize or admit the porn is harmful shows that you’re either not married or not in a healthy marriage.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
flux
March 4, 2010 at 11:11 am
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@Paul Beardfacé: lol.. why would being a whiped husband have any bearing on my argument? I believed this way BEFORE i was married.

But, if by whiped you mean that i love, honor, and respect my wife then yes, i’m the most whiped man on the planet.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
flux
March 4, 2010 at 11:12 am
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@Duckspwn_Reborn: if only your sarcasm were true…

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
flux
March 4, 2010 at 11:16 am
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@Poisonthescene: haha.. wow.. you are either ignorant or just plain stupid.

Men are visual, women are emotional. Women only watch porn because their men are. Do you really think there are thousands of women in their bedrooms everynight with "Doug Does Dallas" and "Playgirl" goin’ to town? think again.. Get into a marriage and you’ll see what it takes to get a woman going,.. and it isn’t porn i can absolutely 100% guarantee you!

btw.,.. you win for the most idiotic comment of the bunch.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
unojack
March 4, 2010 at 12:34 pm
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Zubaz pants? ahh, you caught the latest episode of VH1’s I Love the 80’s too. great show.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
pcypert
March 5, 2010 at 12:00 am
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@flux: statistics of fallen pastors, husbands, etc would lead me to believe otherwise :) Having worked in and for churches as well would tell me this will get a lot more use than one would think…particularly in Evangelical circles.

On the plus side expect even more scandals from the church in the future :P

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Duckspwn_Reborn
March 5, 2010 at 12:46 am
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@flux: Troll much? Take your opinions and shove it. You make wild assumptions and believe that your way is the only right way. You are arrogant and conceited. Piss off.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
flux
March 5, 2010 at 10:35 am
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@Effin’ Eh: EXCEPTION NOT THE RULE!!

You’re such an idiot.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
flux
March 5, 2010 at 10:39 am
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@Duckspwn_Reborn: Troll? Not quite.

What’s wrong? Can’t handle it when somebody doesn’t believe the same as you?

Arrogant and conceited? Perhaps you’re right, but it doesn’t mean that my opinions are any less valid.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
kwyjibear
March 5, 2010 at 11:51 am
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Looks like a USB flash drive. Actually detects porn on your hard drive. http://bit.ly/agiUyE

This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Duckspwn_Reborn
March 5, 2010 at 12:03 pm
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@flux: Oh, I can handle it. I just can’t handle it when people expressing their opinion act, well, exactly like you acted. And I never said your opinion isn’t valid. Anyway, I’m bored of this, it’s been a real pleasure though. Good day sir!

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
flux
March 5, 2010 at 12:11 pm
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@Duckspwn_Reborn: "Oh, I can handle it. I just can’t handle it.."
:)

"And I never said your opinion isn’t valid. "
I’m not sure, i could be wrong, but your comment "Take your opinions and shove it" doesn’t exactly make me think that you’re open to all opinions.

What’s so tragic and peculiar to me is why my opinion, mostly that porn is harmful to marriages, is so offensive to so many people.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
flux
March 5, 2010 at 12:17 pm
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@pcypert: not likely. Because hopefully most Christian husbands wouldn’t use porn anyway.

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide
Ben Zvan
March 5, 2010 at 3:01 pm
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Isn’t this what the Geek Squad uses to ‘fix’ your computer?

This comment was originally posted on Gizmodo, the Gadget Guide

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